O Those Meddlesome Hands
by Maxcy Leland
Summary: Master Hand has been reading a lot of fan-fiction, and he's become convinced that Mario is too short for Peach, Samus/Marth is a must, even if they disagree, and Corrin M and Corrin F look like they were made for each other. In short, the Smashers are in for it. (I have some things planned, but I am willing to consider pairing suggestions.)
1. Chapter 1

**So here I am with another humor fic. Probably plenty of OOC.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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"The author would like to thank you for your continued support. Your review has been posted."

Master Hand gave a sigh of satisfaction as he leaned back in his office chair. There was nothing like a deep kiss to finish off a romance story. "Zelink," he murmured dreamily, envisioning the couple on the top of romantic hill with the sun rising romantically over the horizon and random romantic roses framing the scene. Link would put his romantic arms around Zelda's romantic waist in preparation for their romantic kiss, and she would lean down... Master Hand's romantic ideal was shattered. "Link, why do you have to be so short?" he groaned. Now that he thought about it, Mario wasn't really meeting the standard either. He always had to wear platform shoes when he went to the amusement park, so he could ride the roller coasters.

Only three couples in the whole Mansion, and two had decidedly unromantic males. "Why are the Smashers so much more interesting in these stories than in real life?" Master Hand complained to no one in particular.

"I'm sure they just need a little help," Ridley's voice answered him from behind. "A guiding Hand, you know?" He chuckled, a surprisingly creepy sound.

"What exactly are you getting at? And why are you in my office?" Master Hand didn't bother to turn around.

"I'm employee of the month, remember?" There was the snapping pop of a can of soda being opened. "I get free snacks, but you keep them all in here. Tyrannical, really." There was a sipping sound.

Half of Master Hand wanted to order Ridley out, but half of him wanted to hear what the dragon had to say about the Smash couples.

"Take Samus, for instance," Ridley began. "Who would you like to see her paired with?"

"That's easy. Samarth has been around since Melee."

"Both Samus and Marth are single-"

"And married to it," Master Hand interrupted.

"But with a little encouragement, maybe a candlelight dinner or two-"

"Their true feelings are bound to show!" Master Hand was excited now, straightening in his chair. "They are destined for each other, Ridley. I know it. Nothing, not even their own misgivings can stand in the way of true love! Mwah ha ha ha."

Ridley took another sip of the soda. "All you need is a plan."

"Oh ho ho. This is gonna be so good." Master Hand spun around in his chair. "I've got to find Crazy right away. And I can count on you too, right? Great!" Master Hand went zipping past the dragon and out the door.

"Tyrannical, really," Ridley muttered. "Why's he allowed to fly around indoors, but I'm a 'hazard'?" He tilted his head back and poured the rest of the soda down his throat. He skewered the empty can on his claw with another creepy chuckle. "Samus is gonna kill me. Oh well. She's been trying that for who knows how long."

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 **Short. I know. The next chapters are likely to be longer, this was more of an introduction. This is a pastime fic, so I have no schedule for updates. The chapters will come when they come.**

 **So like I said in the summary, I already have some aspects of this planned out, but if there's a pairing you'd like to see Master Hand mess around with, LMK in a review. I'm not going to promise to use it, but you never know what might happen. :) I'm not going to do any slash pairings, though.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! Maxcy here with chapter two. Thank you all for the follows, favs, and reviews! I really appreciate your support, and the pairing suggestions have really helped me flesh out this story.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own any characters in this story.**

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Something was up, and Samus wasn't pleased.

The guys in Smash had before now mostly left her alone. Everyone at the Mansion was there to brawl, not get married, and so far that had been tacitly agreed to by every guy and girl who lived there. Sure, there were those couples who had been couples in their previous homes, but they weren't distracting or anything. All of the sudden, though, Marth had started paying attention to her.

It wasn't like he had ignored her before- they were friends to the extent that they could be without having anything in common- but recently he had been asking her how she was feeling and helping her with random little things like her chores. She'd tried to hint at him to leave her alone, but he wasn't getting it through his skull. Where did he suddenly get the idea that she wasn't feeling well enough to take care of her own problems? A horrible thought struck her- had he found out her secret?

"It has to come out sooner or later," she told herself. And then what? She didn't want to think that far. That bridge could collapse when she came to it.

She took her room key out of her pocket as she came to her door. Most Smashers didn't bother to lock their doors, but Samus couldn't afford to have just anyone entering her living quarters. The thought of what would happen if they found what was in there, her most precious possession, was yet another horror she shied from confronting.

She turned the key and opened the door. A nightmare stood before her. Marth was in her room, a glass of water in his hand.

"Get out."

"Thank you, Samus. I've been locked in your quarters for the past three hours and forty seven minutes." He was clearly annoyed.

"What's going on?" Samus hissed.

"That's what I'd like to know," he shot back. "Do you think I want to be here? I got a note from you saying that you needed to talk to me, so I came and ended up trapped. The phone service has conveniently crashed, and everyone else is at some special outdoors day that the Hands organized on a day when there's eighty percent chance of rain, for whatever random reason they have."

"I didn't send any note," Samus whispered.

"One more thing." Samus felt her heart drop as Marth took a step towards her and lowered his voice, "Is your room haunted?"

Just then, Samus was pushed violently forward into Marth. He stumbled back with her on top of him, trying to keep his water from spilling. He failed, and so Samus found herself in Marth's lap quite wet. The door was shut and there was the sound of bolts being drawn in place. They were trapped together.

 **000**

Peach was out in the gardens on her own. That was obnoxious. Aloneness was something that the princess avoided as often as she could, due to the kidnappings that had flavored her life. She wouldn't be alone now, except that Mario was late. She tapped her foot on turf impatiently and a little nervously, and then looked up at the overcast sky. Perhaps a cup of tea would pass the time?

The bushes behind her rustled. She turned with a start, just in time to face the expressionless Miis that came rushing from their hiding place with ropes and a cage.

Peach screamed and kicked out with one pink high heel. Two Miis went flying. She pulled out a frying pan and swung it around, still screaming. More Miis shot into the distance, but many more came pouring out of the bushes. She turned to run, but they had her surrounded.

Just then, a silver and blue streak made contact with the ground in front of her. Roy Eliwood stood tall, brandishing his sword. The two brawlers nodded at each other, well versed in the stadium games. They turned to stand back to back, and then sword and golf club wrought havoc among the Miis.

"Do you know what's going on?" Peach asked mid swing.

"Master Hand said a bunch of Miis escaped from the stadium. He sent me to stop them," Roy replied.

"Okay, sweet."

Finally the last Mii was sent flying by a powerful strike of Roy's sword, and the victors watched the flashes of light on the cloudy horizon caused by launched Miis.

"It's like fireworks," Roy grinned.

Just then, real fireworks exploded above the distant mountains. The rainbow of colors was stunning and elaborate. Smiley faces were interspersed with flowers among the traditional flashes and blooms of light. 'Congrats!' was spread across the sky.

"Are those for us?" Peach asked, eyes wide.

"I guess so," Roy responded with wrinkled brow. "But this must be costing thousands of dollars. If my taxes are paying for this, I would rather have had them wait until the night. It's not showing up as well, even though there's a lot of rainclouds."

Suddenly a large heart burst into the sky, surrounded by dozens of flashes and and splashes of color.

Peach laughed, "Silly us. Someone must have just gotten engaged. Do you think Robin finally found a ring he liked?"

"Maybe," Roy smiled with excitement. "I'll bet he got his hands on a fireworks tome or something."

"Let's head back and find out," Peach called over her shoulder, already on her way to the Mansion.

As they ran up the back steps of the Smashers' home, they heard the voice of Master Hand and slowed to eavesdrop.

"I think the fireworks was pushing it, Crazy. These things take a little time. Besides, that's going to cost us thousands."

"It was free, free, free!" they heard Crazy respond. "I got my hand on Robin's fireworks tome! He's going to have to put off his engagement plans for another month while he makes a new one! Bwah ha ha ha ha ha. Bwah ha ha ha ha-"

"Zip it. Peach and Roy should be here any moment."

Roy and Peach exchanged looks. "Well, Peach, here we are," Roy announced in a slightly louder tone than necessary.

"Thank you, Roy. I'll see you-"

"Why hello there," Master Hand cut them off. "You have successfully fended off the certain doom of Smash, Roy. And with the lovely Princess Peach by your side."

"Oh, I didn't do much," Peach laughed. "Roy's the hero."

"And a handsome one he is too," Master Hand declared, stopping Roy's protest. "Wouldn't you agree, Peach?"

Peach was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. "Well yes. I mean he's from Fire Emblem, where everyone has to have a perfect body."

"You think his body is perfect, perfect, perfect!" Crazy Hand shouted.

Peach and Roy both turned scarlet. "N-not more perfect than Marth's body or Ike's body or Robin's body or Corrin's body." Peach racked her brains, hoping she wasn't forgetting the name of any Fire Emblem male that would prove that she was not biased towards Roy. If Mario heard this, she'd die of embarrassment.

"That's right," Roy hastily backed her up. "And I've got to go find Marth now."

"Marth's doing some... clerk work for me," Master Hand said. "He's not available for the next two hours."

"Then I'll hang out with Ike," Roy replied, already dashing through the door.

Peach ran in behind him, cheeks still flaming.

"She stuttered, stuttered, stuttered!" Crazy Hand squealed. "And when he left, she ran after him! And they're both too embarrassed to admit their love, love, love! Bwah ha ha ha ha ha-"

"That's enough," Master Hand snapped. But he was feeling quite pleased with the reactions of the two as well. "Crazy, go make sure that Mario is securely bound. From now on, Roy is to be the one who's there for Princess Peach."

The Hand turned and floated off in the direction of Samus's room to see how Ridley was getting on.

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 **It was longer than chapter 1, just like I said. So what did you think? Like it? Want more? Please review, and I'll see you again in chapter 3!**


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